I have never thought of myself as a deep thinker when it came to me, my behavior or emotions. Looking at the why’s, how’s and what’s is not something I ever really did, unless really pressed on a particular subject. And I know now that a lot of the reason for that is that I didn’t want to deal with my past, my issues, my demons.
But the last 6 months or so I have been able to reflect on my life, behavior and emotions. It has been very revealing, though challenging at times, but totally worth it. I know “me” now. I understand “me” much better. I have started to join the dots and I am able to see how I have developed patterns, emotions and responses because of my childhood.
After I completed my “personal development” weekend when I went through several processes to help me reclaim my emotional life back, I was on a high for about 8 weeks. I couldn’t believe how easy life was all of a sudden. I was amazed at the energy I had every day. But after 8 weeks that energy faded and went back into the normal daily life. BUT, emotionally I was, and still am, in a great place.
What started to happen over the next few months is little things would start to frustrate or annoy me, or just totally piss me off. Not people, just things or circumstances. And I couldn’t understand why.
Here I am doing an amazing course learning about how to become a life coach. With a fair bit of life experience I was probably doing a bit of that anyway with friends and patients. But the course has allowed me to develop skills, structure and understanding as to how to put this all together. During the course we have to coach fellow students and, of course, be coached. I have found it amazing, with the right skills, how quickly you can read a situation, person or issue so easily, and even more amazed as to how the coaching can assist with those things.
So when I was getting frustrated, annoyed or pissed off, I would try to coach myself. I would try and use the tools and skills learned to understand why I was doing what I was doing. And it just made me more frustrated, because I had no idea as to what or why I was reacting and responding the way I was. Yet when coaching someone else, I could see the issues so quickly.
So I asked my coach/s to help me understand why i was feeling and reacting that way. We worked through the issues. Sometimes I got the answer myself through their patience and perseverance. Other times they would suggest x, y or z, and then the penny would drop (like I said, I don’t have a history of deep thinking). But what I came to realize (and advised), you can’t see the big picture when you are an inch from it, or in it.
Being able to chat to someone who can look from afar and see the big picture, which you just happen to be standing in the middle of, is a great way to help you understand the situation or even yourself. It has for me.
Another thing that has allowed me to understand “me” more, is to write these blogs. I am hoping the blogs are helping people who read them, that is one of the reasons I write them. But what it has done, and more importantly, is these blogs are also helping me. Helping me grow, understand, relate, accept & love “me”.
I would like to finish with 2 bits of advice:
When needed, chat to someone who can see the big picture for you. Get things from a different perspective, either from a friend or a professional (whether it be a life coach or psychologist etc.)
Write your own blog, your own story. You don’t have to publish it or put it on line. Just write for you. Journal yourself.
These 2 things will help you understand yourself a little more.
Because there is no one more important, and no one you should know better, accept or love more, than YOU!