If you have regularly read my blogs, you will be well-aware this has been a life changing year for me. I did one on the most difficult, confronting and scariest things I have ever done…I faced my demons about the sexual abuse I received as a child.
As a result, I had a massive shift in energy, consciousness, feelings, belief and understanding of me. It was THE best thing I have every done for myself.
What I have realized and felt since then is, I have to face little challenges and minor demons on a regular basis. These other minor issues keep bubbling up to the surface, and though minor, I know if I let them manifest they will, in time, become much larger issues. And I remember how well that went for the last 44 years (insert sarcastic tone here).
These other “issues” have probably always been there, but because of my major luggage I carried around, I never noticed the smaller issues.
I was chatting to a mate the other day about life, and he passed on this wonderful analogy which fits perfectly with life and its issues.
He told me a farmer had a bunch of rocks in his paddock, a mountain size amount, which made it unusable. To think about clearing the paddock was overwhelming. He didn’t know where to start. But the farmer started with one rock, then two, and he slowly cleared the paddock. He placed them around it’s boundaries to form a rock wall. This took a lot of time and energy, and afterwards the farmer was exhausted.
But when it was finished, the paddock was perfect. Clear, easy to use, beautiful to look at, but it was also very productive.
Over the next couple of years, a few more rocks came to the surface, pushed up by earth forces. He left them there thinking that there was only 1 or 2 and they wouldn’t matter. But over time that 1 or 2 became many, so many in fact the paddock became unusable again, hard and rugged and once again, impossible to farm.
As a result of the rocks, the farmer had lost most of the productivity from paddock - it was not effective or efficient.
So, again, the farmer had to spend a lot of time and energy clearing the rocks. The paddock became easy to farm again, was fully productive and efficient and easy to use.
The farmer learned his lesson. By ignoring the little rocks, over time they slowly built up until there was a mountain of rocks again. To counteract that, the farmer now regularly clears those rocks AS they come to the surface. This saved not only energy and time, but also ensured the paddock was able to flourish to its full potential…continually.
This has also been the case with me. After clearing my mountain of rocks (dealing with my child abuse issues) in my paddock, I felt amazing, energized and running much closer to my full potential. I was flourishing.
Then over time (the last few months) little things started to surface. Certain behaviors, mild temper issues over inanimate objects (trying to control the uncontrollable), patterns I hadn’t been aware of before, and a few others. But this time I was aware they were happening. I was also aware that if I left them alone and ignored them, they would fill my paddock up with rocks again. And I would be right back where I started, being crushed by a mountain of rock.
This time I wasn’t going to allow that to happen. Even though nothing will be as terrifying as facing the child abuse demon, it is still scary to face any personal issue. That slight pang of anxiety and the feeling of wanting to run away and ignore it are still there.
And I could ignore these issues and just push them away or down deep inside, just like I did with my child abuse issues. But look at the long-term consequences of that decision…which pretty much turned into a major cluster F*#@ 44 years later.
In the end, there is NO choice. I just have to clear the rocks immediately. There is no way I want to be crushed by that mountain of rocks ever again.
Will it still be scary and a little overwhelming at times. Absolutely.
Will it be easier than my child abuse mountain? Definitely.
But I have been lucky enough to have some amazing support in this area (apart from my wife). I am being coached/mentored through my “bubbling up to the surface rock issues” over the past 3-6 months. When facing those issues, and being challenged by my mentors, I still want to run. I still want to ignore it. I still feel scared.
But like all good mentors, they have held me accountable and made me stand up and face my issues and fears.
Dealing with my rocks immediately has been so much faster and easier to process, not to mention very rewarding.
It has enabled me to understand the what’s & why’s & how’s regarding those rocks bubbling to the surface, but more importantly, me understanding me.
This, just like the paddock when cleared of rocks, allows me to grow & flourish.
We are all hear to grown and learn. Se we should all clear our rocks out of our paddocks…regularly.