Friday was a tough day. There are some days that flow really easily, while other days just want to keep throwing bricks at your head. Friday was one of those days.
I woke up pretty early as per usual and meditated in bed before getting up to do some paperwork before work. We had a student coming to observe us at work, so I wanted to get in early and get prepared. Whilst doing my paperwork the dog got up and started barking repetitively at Kim. I was trying to concentrate and complete my work as fast as I could and her constant barking annoyed the shit out of me.
Kim was nice enough to take her will outside so I could complete my work. But just that distraction put me in a bit of an average mood. When I was getting ready, other negative thoughts started to enter my thought patterns. Everything that hadn’t "gone right" that week began to play on my mind. I started to spiral.
I prepared a green smoothie for breakfast for Kim and I, got ready, kissed her goodbye and walked out the door. I was leaving 15 minutes earlier than usual so I could be prepared for our visitor. I took my motorbike out of the shed and guess what, flat battery. Being on gravel, and a slight incline, I couldn’t push it back in by myself. It took several minutes for Kim to hear me calling out before she came out to give me a hand (for which I was very grateful).
By the time I got out of my motorbike gear and into my car, I had lost another five minutes of my day. This made me even more pissed off, and to be honest, put me in quite a foul mood. I drove up the driveway and as I get to the road, a log truck goes past. I then proceeded to spend the next five minutes travelling at 25 km/h.
I became even more infuriated and frustrated with how my morning was going. I finally got to pass the log truck and proceeded to drive to work. As I entered the 60 per hour zone I looked up and saw a police car. I realized I was going a little bit over the speed limit and immediately hit my brakes. But it was too late and as I looked in the rear vision mirror I saw the blue lights come on.
I pulled over on a side street and waited for the police to arrive. After a very pleasant conversation, the officer was nice enough to give me a ticket…which I thoroughly deserved (I was a copper for 8 years and totally respect the job they do). By the time he finished with me and I got to work, I was arriving five minutes later than I usually do. So much for well laid plans. And our visitor had not even arrived yet.
I ended up having a very good day at work, but still had an underlying tightness just sitting there. When I got home I relaxed for a while and even dozed off on the lounge for a period (which is usual for a Friday afternoon). Later, we went out did some chores and I was a little short with Kim at times.
But this was no fault of hers, it was all me being grumpy at me. But I did not know why. Later that night (after "date night"), I sat with this for a little while and realized that I had been frustrated and felt shortchanged from something earlier in the week. I hadn’t been. I was making something all about me and it wasn't...not even close. I was being a total flog, but my negative thoughts were telling me otherwise.
Those negative thoughts brought me down in many ways. I was angry and frustrated. I felt like life was plotting against me that day - that week, and nothing that I did would be right. As a result I treated person who I love and respect most in this world very poorly. And I probably treated myself (mentally) me even worse.
I learned (or should I say again i "AGAIN LEARNED"), that we have to let things go, and Friday was a big lesson for me. If things don’t always go your way, that’s okay. That’s just life. It cost me more than $100 that day, it cost me the time to be connected with the ones I love. Date night could have been even better than it was. It cost me in the moment happiness, contentment and joy, all because I had a skewed perception on my life for a short period.
When you have these moments, or these days, it is important to take the time to sit down and think through it. Try and work out why you feel the way you do. Then try to understand it and put it into perspective. Or even write it down in a journal, like I have done in this blog. It is very cathartic.
And guess what...Saturday was easy, relaxed, I got everything done I had planned in the time frame allocated. It flowed, and life was great again.
More importantly, Kim wasn't in the firing line and I had a much better understanding of myself. I hope you get the opportunity to feel the same freedom I did should the same “frustrations” occur in your life in the future.
We just have to keep on learning and adapting. Some lessons do have to be repeated at times though so they sink in. I hope your lesson doesn't cost you something much more important than $100.
And now I can laugh at 2 things from that day, the circumstances that occurred, and my absurd,ridiculous reactions and behavior.
"Owning My Shit" again. Remember to own yours!
Enjoy your week!